Humanity and Horror

I recently got back from a family vacation in Washington D.C. While there, we did the usual historical sightseeing things...the Smithsonians, the White House, the Capital, the monuments. We also went to Arlington National Cemetary and the Holocaust Museum.

I had been to Arlington National Cemetary before and remembered it as one of my favorite places to visit in DC. When telling my 11 year old son about it, he found it strange that it would be a favorite place to visit...being a cemetary and all. But there is just something peaceful to me there even though many of the dead are as a result of man's brutality to man. Walking amongst the white gravestones, reading the captions, looking at the rolling hills, and glimpsing the monuments of DC in the distance just fills me with peace and even hope. I don't know why, it's just how it is. It fills me with gratitude for those who fought to preserve my way of life, for those who showed a bravery that I can't imagine, for those who died with so much living still to do.

The Holocaust Museum, on the other hand, was not something that could be "enjoyed" in any way; but, instead, something that I felt a need to experience. It was horrific. But, I needed to see it and have my kids see it. I wanted them to know that there are people out there who are able to do such horrendous things to other people. That there are people who exist who feel no regret or responsibility for their actions. That there are people who can treat another human being with depravity and degradation. I know they won't understand it, because I certainly can't, but they needed to know that it exists.

When we left the Holocaust Museum, we were like "now what?" What do we do now...get an ice cream? Enjoy the beautiful weather? Traipse through another museum looking at ladies' ballgowns? Suddenly, things seemed rather inconsequential. Yet, we did exactly that. Because those of us here must continue to live, to experience, to enjoy what life has to offer. Yet, we can still remember, and be aware, and strive to prevent future atrocities.

When I think of the "bad" in the world, I always end up thinking of the "good". Maybe it's self defense, maybe it's denial, I like to think of it as hope...

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Fire & Fear

I've always had a fear of fire. Now, I would guess that it is probably normal for most people to fear fire, but my fear was somewhat more than "normal" (I think). I don't really remember when it began, but one of my clearest memories of the "fear" was when I was 8 years old. We lived in a home in Boston...in the inner city. The houses were mainly what we called triple decker houses (3 apartments, 1 per floor). Ours happened to be a single story home, but we had a triple decker right next to us. I went to bed (the bedrooms were on the second floor). My parents and grandma were still up watching tv and my aunt and her friend were also visiting. Shortly thereafter, my mom came running upstairs and told me there was a fire next door. As I came down the stairs I could see smoke coming in through the corner of the ceiling in the living room. We all went outside. When I got outside, I realized I had left my "Lambie" (a stuffed lamb that played Brahm's Lullaby) back up in the bedroom. After seeing me burst into tears, my aunt went back to retrieve my lamb. Luckily, our house turned out to be fine, other than smelling smoky. My father opened a bottle of Galiano afterwards and gave everyone a drink (even I got a sip)...then Lambie and I went to bed.

Anyway, my fear of fire has always expressed itself by my storing the things most important to me close to my bed-those things that I would want to grab first (other than people) if a fire ever occurred. Back as a child and even a teen, it was Lambie. After my mom died and as a young married adult, it was pictures...irreplaceable photo albums of family and my wedding pictures. As a young mom, it turned into pictures and videos of my children. As my kids grew, it became all of the data, pictures, and memories stored on my computer and external hard drives, *sigh*. The list is far too long. Now, I lay awake wondering if a pillow case would be big enough to dump all of the stuff in for me to haul out the window. Heh, who am I kidding? I'd need at least 5 pillow cases. Oh, and Lambie still sits on my night table.

Here are some pictures of one of my prized possessions, an autographed "In Tune" magazine. "Most prized" because I can not replace it and because of the memories of the Meet & Greet where I obtained it. Hey, look at it this way...at least I'm not posting a picture of Lambie. Unless you really want one that is *g*...

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Worth the Risk...

I've never been a risk taker...not physically or financially. I'm a chicken. I would never jump out of a plane, go bungee jumping, or scuba diving. What little money I have is invested in safe (as in "so little interest it's barely there") mutual funds. I would never desire to own my own business, I'd rather someone else pay me and take care of my benefits. I sometimes envy those who are willing to take risks. I do feel that to achieve a lot or to live life to the fullest...risk-taking is necessary. But, I guess I'm content to be a middle achiever and live life enough, while staying "safe".

My 11 year old son went on vacation this week with his best friend. During the vacation, my son went parasailing. When he called me on the phone to tell me he "did something really special", I held my breath. When I found out that he had been floating 400 feet above the ocean, all I could think of was "thank God he didn't tell me until it was over". I surely would have said "no". From the sound of his voice, I can tell it was an experience he will always remember. I'm glad he'll have that memory. My 13 year old daughter is a gymnast. She does things on the beam and bars that send chills through me at the mere thought of duplicating the process. Heck, I could never even do a cartwheel... She soldiers on, even when afraid. She is a "do-er", ready to try most anything. No amusement ride has ever gotten the best of my kids *g*. I hope they continue to take risks, to achieve, IF that continues to make them happy. Otherwise, they can be like me, satisified to just "be", that'll work too.

I'll be watching those risk takers from my safe little corner of the couch...confident that all of their dreams will come true.

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Risk taking
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